Sign in a Laundromat
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:PLEASE REMOVE ALL
YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
Outside a farm
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG. 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF
In an office
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT
AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
On a church door
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS
DOOR.
(THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT.
PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
English sign in a German cafe
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
Outside a secondhand shop
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES
ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL
BARGAIN?
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be
opened by the Prince of Wales
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING.
IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED.
OPEN TOMORROW.
Outside a photographer's studio
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER
ALSO
Outside a disco
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE
WELCOME
Sign warning of quicksand
QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL
BE DROWNED.
BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS
AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD
TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
Notice in a dry cleaner's window
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN
30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
Sign on motorway garage
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR
LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS
Notice in health food shop window
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW
IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD
FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU
HOW TO GET LESSONS
Sign on a repair shop door
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD
ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Sign at Norfolk farm gate
BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER
AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW