You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

Your front porch collapses and four "dawgs git kilt."

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

One of your kids was conceived on a pool table.

You've even climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".

You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

You went to that party at neighbor Enoch's place.........