T'was the night before Christmas -
Old Santa was pissed
He cussed at the elves and threw down his list
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have good mind to scrap the whole works

I've busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter
They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money

And the kids these days -
they all are the pits
They want the impossible ...
Those mean little shits

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them
They want computers and robots, they think I'm IBM!

If you think that's bad...just picture this
Try holding those brats...with their pants full of piss
They pull on my nose - they grab at my beard
And if I don't smile..the parents think I'm weird

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment

There's no Christmas this year..
now you know the reason
I found me a blonde..
I'm going SOUTH for the season!!

Back to jokes!!!

Santa quits
Holiday Survival Guide
Jingle bells
Confuse Santa
Xrated Santa
Santa is a lady
Santa's dilemma
My Christmas list
Sleep well little children
Do they know it's Christmas?
The true meaning of Christmas
Christmas Around the World
Geek's 12 days of Christmas
Hawaiian 12 days of Christmas

Happy New Year!!